Hindsight

If you need a definition, look it up. Have you ever had someone tell you they wanted someone to have something after they are gone and just passed it off as silliness? Or they said something that makes you think they are dying, for a split second, but then you wipe it outta your mind? Then when they do indeed die, you get mad at yourself for not seeing the signs? Unfortunately, I've been in that position more times than I care to count.

Hell, my kids have even tagged the things they want when I die, just to avoid any conflict when it does happen ya know. I certainly don't remember telling them anything specific, so I guess it's a good thing they are so far ahead me.

But when it's not your own family, it simply does not register in your brain at the time. Until they do die and then that old hindsight hits ya like a ton of bricks. And in your grief, you try to explain it, but it comes out all fucked up. And other people, in their own grief, just don't understand or want to hear it.

That's why there are wills and all those others goodies lawyers are always trying to push on you. Cuz, even though the people thought you telling someone they said it would be good enough, in the end, that's just not good enough.

I can't tell ya the number of times people have given me hints that they were gonna die, or just not be around anymore, and I've just blown it off. I've made myself sick about it after they are gone each and every time too.

Of course, the old me would do everything I could to try to help. Not realizing it was causing me more harm than good. But the new me has learned to just keep my mouth shut. If it's not my children, I'm just not gonna get involved anymore.

I've learned my lesson.