Feeling Overwhelmed

When you have to wait for the fucking pain pills to kick in before you can do anything, and you are only good for a few hours a day, it's overwhelming. I hate this shit. Living with chronic pain, and knowing there ain't a damn thing you can do about it, sucks. But I'm determined to overcome it dammit!

If I could just replace the upper half of my body... Now it hurts from under the boobs up. I turn my head one way and I get sharp pains shooting down my back and chest. Same thing for the other way. It's pissing me off.

I have too much to do to tolerate this shit. A weaker person would just put a bullet to their head, but I'm not weak dammit. I hate taking drugs, but I just can't live without them right now. That pisses me off too.

I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do with my day. It's a beautiful day out. The grass is knee high and desperately needs to be cut. But before I can do that, I have to clean up some stuff, dig up some flowers that have spread into the grass and see if the lawn mower even works.

I also have to get back to that house and load up the rest of the shit stuff, then unload it somewhere around here. There just ain't no more room around here!

Which leads me to getting all this shit ready and sell it. That is way too much work for me to even think about right now, but it's got to be done and there ain't nobody else to do it but me.

I know my patterns. When there is too much to do, I end up sitting around feeling overwhelmed instead of just putting my nose to the grindstone and getting something done. It's a constant battle. A battle that is hard to fight when your body is screaming at ya.

But I'm gonna suck it up and do something today dammit! What... I don't know yet. But I'm gonna do something.

As soon as the pain pill I just took starts to work.